So far it's been a pretty good day, the suns shining...so I've pretended I lived somewhere else, pawned all my jewelry, canned some vegetables, cleaned the entire house, made cupcakes, plucked out all my eyebrows, went for a 10K run,smoked an entire pack of cigarettes, wrote a song about Benny, made a bunch of faces in the mirror, pulled out a brown tooth, ate 7 donuts, played Bloody Mary, got attacked by Bloody Mary, did a few fake psychic readings for cash, choked my dealer with his own hair, shanked a tweeker for some meth, played double Dutch with my black neighbors, opened up a parallel dimension by playing with my Quija board, ate some generic Chips Ahoy, sang Islands in the Stream using the Chinese art of Karaoke, played Oceans 14, mistook my neighborhood for Appalachia, did some free form jazz Panera Bread style, sold fake WWF tickets, and drank a bunch of wine coolers.
I'd like to open fire on the cast of House. And Glee. And Ashton Kutcher. But not Kevin Bacon. How great is Kevin Bacon?
I can't tell the difference between Madonna and Jocelyn Wildenstein anymore. :(
FaceBook tip: I'm seeing entirely too many videos and status updates about your kids. Quit clogging up my timeline a-holes.
So, it's Saturday, enjoy the short and utterly ridiculous blog. Stalk at ya later...I got shit to do and people to see.
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