Alright bitches...this is my first time blogging. I got a few requests, so I asked myself, "why the hell not?" Every other jackhole has a blog that none of us read, so why not me? I'll now be able to call myself a writer. I can sit at Starbucks brooding with my laptop, in my turtleneck sweater from the "Gap" that I got with my 50% employee discount, while I read my copy of "Catcher In The Rye." I can pretend I'm a poor, tortured soul of a writer. I will also now have an excuse for all my eccentric bordering on strange behavior. I think maybe I'll do a few things...of course I'll share the ins and outs of my life (my shenanigans, antics and plain Tom Foolery) but, also since this blog is called "The Daily Bitch By A Witty Witch" I'd throw in my thoughts and observations of this fucked up world.
I hope that some of shit makes you laugh...or at the very least, smile.
I've put bullets for your convenience.
•I'm so bored, all I've done today is play Go-Bots, got pretty high up in the Mafia, pretended to be possessed by the Devil, wrote a letter to Tyler Perry telling him to "Stop. Just stop." stepped on a rusty nail, got lockjaw, cancelled my rap battle with Eminem, ate a Hostess Fruit Pie that some little fucker put his finger through, wore a sheet around my neck as a cape, called myself the "Vigilant Vigilante," was mistaken for a robber, received a vicious beating, retired the cape, and played marbles.
•I think today since I haven't slept all night, I'm going to keep it light and just bitch about trivial shit. I'll talk about my potential lawsuit against Glaxo Smith and Klein Pharmaceuticals for my gambling and meth addiction another time...so, today I'm just going to bust FaceBook's balls.
•Y'know...there's some people that when they make a "status update" on FaceBook, that I think to myself "it must fucking suck to be such a boring person with no sense of humor." Seriously. If you have to add a fucking semi-colon and a parenthesis to imply that youre joking or being silly, you're a ass who isn't funny. So, stop it. Stop. Do you really think this is funny, cute or witty? "My BF just got his own FB!!!! Now he can quit secretly using my account!!! LOL!!!" No. No it is not. Sorry, your attempt at trying to your hand at comedy went terribly wrong. Awful.
•Y'know what else I hate? I hate private jokes put as "status updates." Really? You're like getting a chuckle out of one person and about 200 people knowing that it's a private joke, and that they probably wouldn't laugh even if they were in on it. So, before you put something stupid like "Cough Cough 40" as your status update, think about how much more of an idiot you sound like.
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