The one about the Burger King crown

I am so friggin' bored...All I've done is pretended I was a vampire, wore a Burger King crown all day, broke into my elderly neighbors house, replaced elderly neighbors heart medication with Red Hots, said the Serenity prayer, watched Kindergarten Cop, wrote a love poem about heroin, drew a mustache on my face with a Sharpie, did a remake of Goonies, and joined the Kim Kardashian fan club.

•Jodie Foster looks like Voldemort.

•I hate when you get that one weird pumpkin seed that tastes all farty.

•Ultra light beer? You may as well drink water.

•Sometimes I wish I had a machine that could do my hair.

•What the hell is wrong with Catherine Zeta Jones? She looks nuts.

•I didn't know Professor Snape played guitar for Paul McCartney.

Seacrest Out...